27 Alternatives To Asking “Is This Okay?”

A great article from “Asking for what you want” expert Marcia Baczynski.

Also great summary as to why you should read this: “We all know – or should know – that consent is mandatory. We know enthusiastic consent is what we are working towards. But how does enthusiastic consent look and sound like? What *can* it sound like?
Asking if something is okay, while better than not asking at all, may get repetitive, and like this article says, it’s kind of a low standard to strive for (we don’t want sex to be a mediocre “okay”, now, do we?).
This article discusses some alternatives, grouped into three types of questions. The first step is knowing what you want to know, which can be hard. The more specific the question, the more specific the answer – which can be useful.
I would add to this that maybe the first step in enthusiastic consent is asking ourselves these and other questions, which can help us be more present in our bodies and with our partners.” ~ Lui Ramirez, sexuality educator
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About Lanae St.John

Lanae St. John, DHS, ACS, is board certified sexologist, sexuality coach & educator, and writer. She received her Doctorate in Human Sexuality from the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality, where she focused on Child and Adolescent Sexuality. She develops curriculum, teaches classes, and works with clients to normalize conversations about sexuality between parents and children. She believes that we must help adults discover a positive outlook on sexuality before they can impart wisdom to the young people in their lives. By teaching parents to nurture the budding sexuality of their children in ways that foster self-respect and acceptance for the totality of their personhood, she helps them raise children who become empowered, beautiful, strong, sexually healthy adults. She often incorporates pop culture, current advertising, music, and movie references into her teachings. Lanae is the proud mother of two daughters with whom she has plenty of practice honing her communication skills and developing techniques to talk about sex that work. She actively embodies her ideas about honesty with sensitivity, empowerment, freedom of expression, and body-positivity with her kids. She blogs about sex, parenting, relationships, and gender at www.themamasutra.net.​
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