This is how a lifetime of potentially dangerous situations affects every woman.

The question I can think of to capture how pervasive the de-escalation the author describes here is to ask every woman in your life:

Is this true for you too?

It is for me – even though I’m no longer a 20-something I do probably 80-90% of these things including putting my keys between my knuckles to walk to the car. I recently punched a guy in the back for grabbing my crotch as I walked past him in a crowded event. I even went to security and they couldn’t/wouldn’t throw him out because it was a he said/she said situation. I was livid…and scared he’d do worse for turning him in.

I want better for my daughters but that requires MEN to step up and a) stop doing this themselves if they are and b) step up to “police” their peers. Just like when it took a man to call out Bill Cosby, it’s probably going to take a man to champion this too. People aren’t listening to women like they should.

Thank you for reading.
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About Lanae St.John

Lanae St. John, DHS, ACS, is board certified sexologist, sexuality coach & educator, and writer. She received her Doctorate in Human Sexuality from the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality, where she focused on Child and Adolescent Sexuality. She develops curriculum, teaches classes, and works with clients to normalize conversations about sexuality between parents and children. She believes that we must help adults discover a positive outlook on sexuality before they can impart wisdom to the young people in their lives. By teaching parents to nurture the budding sexuality of their children in ways that foster self-respect and acceptance for the totality of their personhood, she helps them raise children who become empowered, beautiful, strong, sexually healthy adults. She often incorporates pop culture, current advertising, music, and movie references into her teachings. Lanae is the proud mother of two daughters with whom she has plenty of practice honing her communication skills and developing techniques to talk about sex that work. She actively embodies her ideas about honesty with sensitivity, empowerment, freedom of expression, and body-positivity with her kids. She blogs about sex, parenting, relationships, and gender at​
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